I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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