Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
