the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
