Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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