So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Welp...herpes.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
