wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
