I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize