This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
