the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize