I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
