did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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