It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
