Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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