i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize