found the other keg... it's in the tree
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
