Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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