just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My ass is underappreciated
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
