our cab driver is having phone sex.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
