just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
