I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
