Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
