Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
