She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
