I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
