how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
