obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize