Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
