i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
