yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize
