Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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