Will you blow on my dice?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
