I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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