whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
