I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
