Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you never un-have a 4some
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
