did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
