it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
