If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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