WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
