Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize