I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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