All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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