stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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