I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
