What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
