Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
