wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This is my gift to your gina
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
