Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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