I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize