Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
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