I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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