btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
