Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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