he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
