so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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