??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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