Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
