help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
