So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
