one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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