No stitches, just platelets and will power
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
