Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
