a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
